{"id":10,"date":"2011-07-23T21:14:09","date_gmt":"2011-07-23T21:14:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newest.myplaceforhelp.info\/?page_id=10"},"modified":"2015-11-01T22:18:07","modified_gmt":"2015-11-01T20:18:07","slug":"psychology","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/myplaceforhelp.info\/?page_id=10","title":{"rendered":"Articles"},"content":{"rendered":"

Articles By<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0on topics related to \u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Health, Behavioral Medicine, Hypnosis, <\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Personal & Spiritual Development<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0For Additional Information Please Fill Out Contact Form<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>LIST OF TITLES OF ARTICLES<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

FIND FULL TEXT OF EACH ARTICLE BELOW\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

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\u00a0Practical Help for People Suffering from Stress Disorders <\/span><\/a><\/span><\/h4>\n
By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006
\nAs Printed in \u201cConnections\u201d Magazine (Bet Shemesh, Israel) \u00a0<\/span><\/address>\n
Article Date: 2006-11-07 \u00a0Issue: 5767-02<\/span><\/address>\n
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Hypnosis – An Enjoyable Technique for Health & Healing<\/span> <\/span><\/a>
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By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/address>\n
As Printed in \u201cConnections\u201d Magazine (Bet Shemesh, Israel). <\/span><\/address>\n
Article Date: 2006-08-07 \u00a0Issue: 5766-12<\/span><\/address>\n
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\u00a0<\/span>Treating Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) \u2013 Feeling Right<\/span><\/a><\/span>
\n<\/span><\/h4>\n
By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/address>\n
As Printed in \u201cConnections\u201d Magazine (Bet Shemesh, Israel).<\/span><\/address>\n
Article Date: 2007-01-26 \u00a0Issue: 5767-05<\/span><\/address>\n

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Personal & Spiritual Development \u2026<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>Spiritual Growth, Authenticity & Psychological Counseling \u2013<\/span> Preparing for the New Year<\/span><\/span><\/a>
\n<\/span><\/h4>\n
By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/address>\n
As Printed in \u201cConnections\u201d Magazine (Bet Shemesh, Israel).<\/span><\/address>\n
Article Date: 2006-09-15 \u00a0Issue: 5766-01<\/span><\/address>\n
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\u00a0<\/span>Celebrating the Real Self Behind the Mask & Spiritual<\/span> Psychotherapy<\/span><\/span><\/a>
\n<\/span><\/h4>\n
By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/address>\n
As Printed in \u201cConnections\u201d Magazine (Bet Shemesh, Israel)<\/span><\/address>\n
Article Date: 2007-02-23 \u00a0Issue: 5767-06<\/span><\/address>\n
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\u00a0<\/span>Increasing Shalom Bayit & Personal Happiness Utilizing Marriage Counseling<\/span><\/a><\/span>
\n<\/span><\/h4>\n
By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/address>\n
As Printed in \u201cConnections\u201d Magazine (Bet Shemesh, Israel) \u00a0<\/span><\/address>\n
Article Date: 2006-12-05 \u00a0Issue: 5767-03<\/span><\/address>\n
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Enhancing Your Family\u2019s Emotional Health – Lessons from the Seder <\/span><\/a><\/span><\/h4>\n
By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2007 <\/span><\/address>\n
As Printed in \u201cConnections\u201d Magazine (Bet Shemesh, Israel) \u00a0<\/span><\/address>\n
\u00a0Article Date: 2007-03-23 \u00a0Issue: 5767-08<\/span><\/address>\n

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Pregnancy, Childbirth & Infertility<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>Hypnosis & Self Hypnosis: Help Toward a Healthy & Enjoyable Pregnancy & Childbirth<\/span><\/a><\/span>
\n<\/span><\/h4>\n
By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/address>\n
As Printed in \u201cConnections\u201d Magazine (Bet Shemesh, Israel) \u00a0<\/span><\/address>\n
Article Date: 2006-07-06 \u00a0Issue: 5766-11<\/span><\/address>\n
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Psychogenic Infertility<\/span><\/a><\/span>
\n<\/span><\/h4>\n
By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/address>\n
As Printed in \u201cConnections\u201d Magazine (Bet Shemesh, Israel) \u00a0<\/span><\/address>\n
Article Date: 2006-06-01 \u00a0Issue: 5766-10<\/span><\/address>\n

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ARTICLES OF INTEREST<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

Written by<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

Dr. Simcha Sheldon<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0Practical Help for People Suffering from\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Stress Disorders<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Thousands of Israelis are currently suffering from one or more physical, psychological, or emotional consequence caused by stress or trauma. There are two groups who have been particularly susceptible to stress disorders. Those most susceptible are individuals and families who were directly involved in experiences of extreme stress and\/or trauma, such as the war in Lebanon, bombings, and other acts of terror. Also at risk are new Olim who are particularly susceptible to the harmful consequences of stress, as they both have a variety of new stressors uniquely related to Aliya and living in Israel and who may be less prepared and experienced in coping with extremely stressful events that are more commonplace here than abroad.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Physiologically speaking, sustained high levels of stress create havoc with the body\u2019s chemical hormonal functions, inhibit the immune system, and cause a variety of physiological and psycho-emotional damage. Unfortunately, many sufferers blame themselves, feel guilty or insecure, or feel embarrassed or ashamed, rather than understanding that they are not to blame. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Symptoms and conditions caused by stress can include loss of focus and attention (similar to ADD & ADHD), irritability, fatigue, gastro-intestinal disorders (including IBS – irritable bowel syndrome and spastic colon), eating disorders, difficulty sleeping, sexual difficulties, tinnitus, headaches, chronic pain, bruxism, TMJ, OB\/GYN difficulties (including increased PMS, infertility, premature labor) lack of patience, increased frustration and temper, insecurity, decreased motivation and self-esteem, and negative thinking.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The good news is that anxiety, depression and stress disorders can be alleviated and eliminated, in ways that are safe, relatively comfortable, and often inspiring, empowering, uplifting, and even enjoyable.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The proper use of psycho-therapeutic interventions can offer excellent results in both alleviating the symptoms and medical conditions that stress and\/or trauma can produce, and in increasing one\u2019s general personal effectiveness, efficiency and well-being. Such interventions include psychotherapy, hypnosis, biofeedback, and others.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Psychological and behavioral interventions are not only helpful in relieving many of the problems related to stress and trauma, they can prevent a person from engaging in unnecessary and potentially dangerous medical interventions and procedures, including the taking of medications – which often have harmful and unpleasant side effects, unnecessary surgery, and other invasive procedures.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0A clinical example from each of the two groups mentioned above will help in the understanding of the psychotherapeutic process. A soldier who was in a house in Lebanon which was hit by a tank shell and experienced his friends being killed and wounded, suffered from stress disorders from the trauma. He was in a state of anxiety, depression, flashbacks, lack of motivation, and lack of focus. He had difficulties sleeping and eating, and was experiencing social avoidance. Psychotherapy helped him to relate to his experiences in a healthier way, cognitively, and to deal with his deep emotional pain. He learned to use guided imagery to create positive internal states so that he could sleep and eat normally, and re-enter his normal social and work activities.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Case 2: A new Oleh came with his wife and three children from the US. He did not know how long it would take until he would be licensed in his profession so he could start looking for work in his field and he was not fluent in Hebrew. His children were experiencing difficulties adjusting in school, and his wife was somewhat depressed as she missed her friends and family. These challenges along with difficulties of self-esteem and financial worry caused him the have symptoms of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), including stomach cramps and spastic colon, and occasional headaches.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0He saw a therapist who utilized a variety of behavioral and cognitive therapeutic interventions, including biofeedback, guided imagery, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), and hypnosis to help reduce the psychological, emotional and physical stress, and to create deep states of relaxation, comfort, positive thinking and feeling, and to help find solutions to his personal difficulties. The family also had a couple of sessions of family therapy to help the kids and wife adjust to Aliya. Within a couple of weeks his symptoms lessened and he was on his way to having a successful Klita.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Oftentimes people suffer physical symptoms but their doctors do not really understand what is causing them. Hypnotherapy can help identify the source of the symptoms. In the treatment of many pain and stress disorders, biofeedback and medical hypnosis can successfully retrain muscles to perform naturally and properly (such as in spastic colon, migraine headache, and chronic muscular pain), restore proper sexual function, alleviate breathing malfunctions for people who react to stress with asthma like symptoms, hyperventilation, and chest tightness, alleviate certain allergic responses, and many other symptoms.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Shalom Bayit and enjoying ones family life is one of our most important desires; the peace in our homes must start with our individual ability to be peaceful inside. For those who need it, hypnosis and counseling with an effective and caring health practitioner can help make the dream of living in Israel a positive one through acquiring self-understanding, self-acceptance, and self-mastery.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Please, only seek psychological services from someone who is licensed by the Israel Ministry of Health, and who has experience in treating your particular symptoms. Also, I suggest that you make sure that your therapist consults with your physician.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Dr. Simcha Sheldon is an Israeli licensed Clinical Psychologist, Medical Psychologist, and Hypnotherapist, a U.S. licensed Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist, and Clinical Member of the Israeli Society for Sexual Medicine, Israel Medical Association. Dr. Sheldon practices in Hashmonaim.<\/span><\/i><\/h5>\n
\u00a9 2006 All rights reserved.<\/span><\/i><\/h5>\n

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\u00a0Hypnosis – An Enjoyable Technique for Health & Healing<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0For centuries, hypnosis has been used successfully to improve people\u2019s health and quality of life. Hypnosis is a state, or experience, of intense concentration, inner absorption, focused attention, and usually deep relaxation. Hypnosis creates a heightened ability to respond to positive suggestions, and to give and receive instructions to the body\/mind. Hypnosis is a state in which many positive things can occur, including increased self-awareness, self-understanding, memory, self-control, motivation, relaxation, and self-mastery on many levels – physiologically, psychologically, emotionally, perceptually, sexually, and spiritually. Other phenomena which can be elicited using hypnosis include: dissociation, amnesia, anesthesia, time distortion (which can be helpful in alleviating physical or emotional pain), hypermnesia, age-regression, ideomotor activity, and positive and negative hallucinations (which can be utilized for a variety of applications, including uncovering important information and treating repressed traumas; many medical disorders, sexual dysfunction, etc.).<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Deep relaxation, meditation, massage, guided imagery, and focused exercise can induce a state of hypnosis in which a person becomes highly suggestible. It is therefore very important to understand how to and how not to use suggestions. Often people during their daily lives give and receive negative suggestions without knowing, and experience negative consequences. The topic of suggestibility and using suggestions properly requires a separate article to analyze in greater detail.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Hypnosis, when utilized properly, is a safe, powerful, non-invasive tool that can be used to positively affect one\u2019s thoughts, emotions, brain, immune system, vascular system, digestive tract, hormones, habits, and more. Hypnosis enhances a person\u2019s abilities to create and maintain a healthy mind\/body state, and to heal as well. It holds a valuable key and tool in the mind\/body connection.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Most people experience naturally occurring states of hypnosis during their normal day-to-day lives. You have probably experienced being so absorbed in thought or in an activity that you simply did not notice sounds and activities around you. Perhaps you were driving and you did not notice what was on the radio for the last number of minutes. Your subconscious mind was paying attention for you to what was important, even though your conscious mind drifted. Perhaps you heard a song or smelled a fragrance that transported you to vividly re-experience something from your past. In times of extreme danger, the mind goes into hypnosis so that you will automatically do what will be self-protective. These are examples of spontaneous hypnosis. Although hypnosis has been used for centuries for healing, only in 1958 did the American Medical Association finally approve its use. Research done by the U.S. National Institutes for Health shows that hypnosis is an effective and recommended treatment for pain, phantom pain, nausea, vomiting, anxiety, smoking cessation, sleep disorders, migraine headache, night terrors, and other conditions.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Today, hypnosis is used around the world, by hospitals and health centers as well as by physicians, orthopedists, obstetricians, gastroenterologists, dentists, psychiatrists, psychologists, sports psychologists, cardiologists, oncologists, anesthesiologists, nurses, and other health professionals. Prestigious health organizations as the Mayo Clinic and the U.C.L.A. Pain Center publish papers regarding the efficacy of hypnosis in their treatment programs. Interestingly, there are different opinions and theories as to what hypnosis is and how it works. We really do not understand how hypnosis affects the brain, but we know that it does. Clinical studies utilizing PET (positron emission tomography) scans have shown that hypnosis affects the physiology of the brain. For example, when a hypnotized person is asked to see colors while he is looking at a black and white picture, the part of the brain which is usually activated during color perception becomes activated. This research has given a whole new literal meaning to the phrase \u201cit\u2019s all in your head.\u201d Hypnosis can be used as a medium for placing instructions in the brain for healing, health, positive attitudes and positive behaviors.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Ironically, the most prevalent reason people have for not using hypnosis is their fear of loss of control or being controlled. This same fear often gets in the way of such persons\u2019 personal growth, success, and enjoyment of life. Self-hypnosis and hypnosis facilitated by a qualified professional enables and empowers the person in hypnosis to actually have more self-control. (The misconceptions about hypnosis are largely caused by its portrayal during stage hypnosis and in movies.)<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Hypnotic Phenomena, Techniques & Applications. The benefits of hypnosis are widely accepted in clinical psychology, sports psychology, and in medicine. Let\u2019s look at how hypnotic phenomena are used for physical and psycho-emotional health. Hypnosis facilitates the ability to remember things that were long forgotten, which can be helpful in both diagnosis and treatment. \u201cHypnotic experiencing\u201d can actually affect the physiology of the body. \u201cHypnotic rehearsal\u201d is a technique that allows a person to \u2019try on\u2019 new ways of being and feeling, in order to grow and alleviate fears and phobias, as well as to train the body to function in a more healthy way (e.g. imagining speaking in front of a group of people feeling confident, or eating slowly, or imagining the digestive tract working properly.) Hypnosis helps one to: identify and rectify false or harmful beliefs and mis-interpretations of events; eliminate unrealistic expectations; create positive expectations; and identify, acquire and strengthen personal resources, tools, and abilities with which to improve one\u2019s life experiences.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Stress is likely the leading contributing factor that causes people to seek medical attention. Stress in large continual doses is very harmful for the mind and body. Stress can cause the body\u2019s immune system and other bodily functions to malfunction or stop working entirely. Hypnosis is a wonderful method for reducing mental and emotional stress, and its negative consequences on the body. A person in hypnosis can use guided imagery and suggestion in many ways including: stop the spasm of the colon and other muscles, calm down an overworking digestive system, lower high blood pressure, reduce or eliminate pain. Often a physiological problem can be related to a psycho-emotional response to a traumatic event or to stress in general. Hypnosis can be utilized to help the patient communicate with his\/her subconscious and discover the cause, heal the trauma, and alleviate the physical problem. Examples include sexual dysfunction, stuttering, TMJ, bruxism, hyperventilation, pain, and many other conditions. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Hypnosis, as a tool used by a good psychotherapist, can help individuals who suffer from difficulties of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and trauma to investigate, discover, and understand the causal factors, as well as alleviate the problem more easily, quickly, and comfortably.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Learning and using self-hypnosis can be an enjoyable way of promoting mental, emotional, and physical health. It can also enhance tefilla and the mitzva experience as increased focus and connection to oneself, Hashem, and life increases kavana.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Dr. Simcha Sheldon is an Israeli licensed Clinical Psychologist, Medical Psychologist, and Hypno-therapist, a U.S. licensed Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist, and Clinical Member of the Israeli Society for Sexual Medicine, Israel Medical Association. He practices in Hashmonaim and Modiin. (08-976-1056). www.drsimcha.com \u00a9 2006 All rights reserved.<\/span><\/i><\/h5>\n

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Treating Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) \u2013 Feeling Right<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0With the sufganyot\/latke-eating season\u00a0behind us and mishloach manot and Pesach on the horizon, let\u2019s take a look at finding relief from a common medical condition related to food and eating – Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). It is estimated that as many as one in five people in the United States and in the United Kingdom suffer at one time or other from IBS, and according to the Mayo Clinic, two to three times as many men as women are affected. However, since many people feel embarrassed about talking about this disorder, little is said, and unfortunately, more than half of IBS sufferers do not seek medical or psychological help. Symptoms can vary and change in quality and intensity over time. The common symptoms of IBS include: cramping, bloating, gas, diarrhea, constipation, mucus in the stool, swollen or bloated abdomen, the feeling that you have not completed the bowel movement, uncontrollable urgency to defecate, and pain. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0IBS is not a disease; it is a functional disorder, meaning certain parts or the body as a whole is not functioning properly. Sometimes cramping and pain occur due to nerves which are overly sensitive to the stretching of the bowel caused by gas. Cramping and diarrhea can occur, during or shortly after a meal, due to muscles which contract too much during eating. Constipation can occur from muscles not contracting enough. Symptoms of IBS arise when the muscles of the colon, sphincters, and pelvis do not contract in the right way, thereby impeding the proper flow of stool.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Researchers are uncertain as to the cause of IBS. However, it appears that about half the IBS patients relate their onset of symptoms to a highly stressful life event, such as a serious infection, major surgery, deep depression, change of job, house, bereavement, etc. Acute gastroenteritis is reported to initiate onset of IBS for between 10%-20% of IBS patients. It can also be as a result of intentionally ignoring the body\u2019s natural healthy communication as to when it needs to relieve itself, forcefully holding in, often for hours, and then finally trying to relieve oneself. This causes the muscles to malfunction and even lose their ability to function properly when the person wants to listen to his\/her body\u2019s messages. To alleviate this problem, hypnosis and biofeedback can be very helpful; however, the full discussion of this kind of treatment is better left for its own article.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Regardless of the causes of IBS, a variety of mental, emotional, and physical occurrences such as stress, conflict or emotional upsets; particular foods; caffeinated beverages, certain medicines, and large meals can exacerbate the IBS symptoms (NIH).<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Many medical specialists agree on a holistic mind\/body approach such as diet, medication, stress management, psychological counseling, behavioral therapy, cognitive therapy, guided imagery, biofeedback, meditation, exercise, counseling, hypnosis and self-hypnosis. This kind of treatment can help alleviate the distressing cycle which often arises in which the digestive system can cause pain or discomfort or other annoying symptoms, which in turn creates, increases, or contributes to the patient\u2019s anxiety and\/or depression, which then causes the physical symptoms to get more intense and more difficult to deal with, and so the cycle begins again.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Many people feel \u201cbutterflies\u201d in their stomach before an exam, public speaking, or some other activity that is psychologically or emotionally challenging, scary, or stressful. This is the mind-body connection. A person\u2019s negative psycho-emotional response to a real or imagined life circumstance can affect his or her physiology. It is interesting to note that some people somaticize, that is, direct their psycho-emotional responses\/reactions\/experiences into physiological ones in different ways so pain can be exhibited in any part of the body. If an individual\u2019s response to stress is to tighten their neck muscles, eventually they will have muscle pain or spasm in their neck. If a person tightens his\/her sphincter muscles or rectum, eventually spastic colon can occur. These responses to stress are usually unconscious, and that is why mind\/body self-awareness and self-mastery are so important for physical and psycho-emotional health. (Yoga, meditation, self-hypnosis are very helpful in acquiring these skills.)<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0In order to alleviate the symptoms, it is important for the individual who has IBS to recognize, identify, understand and decrease both the physiological and the psycho-emotional stimulus which cause the digestive system to malfunction, and instead, to create a positive, curative, and healthy mind\/body environment and reality for the patient\u2019s daily life. A nutrition specialist should be consulted regarding food and eating considerations. Of course, the IBS sufferer needs to be ready and willing to eat properly in order not to aggravate the normal functioning of the digestive system. Unfortunately, many sufferers choose to continue suffering than give up their french fries and salsa. A physician can be consulted for possible medications which can help. However, it should be noted, that many medications have undesirable side effects, and that medication does not cure IBS. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The U.S. government NIH states regarding IBS, that \u201cdoctors have found that psychological treatments like hypnosis, relaxation training or psychotherapy provide the same amount of relief — or even more — than drug therapy\u201d. A study done by the University of Albany (New York) states, \u201c\u2018Gut-directed\u2019 hypnotherapy has a very positive impact on health-related quality of life with improvements in psychological well-being and physical symptoms.\u201d<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0There are a few basic goals for psycho-therapeutic intervention. First, to learn how to create a mind-body state that allows the digestive system to be relaxed, calm, and available for normal healthy functioning. Second, to identify the triggers which cause stress, and learn how to cope with them differently, so as not to allow psycho-emotional-social difficulties to be somatocized. Third, to increase the awareness and motivation needed to eat properly and to recognize and satisfy the body\u2019s healthy needs. Fourth, to heal any past traumas or find solutions to present life situations which are causing the body to malfunction. Fifth, to identify any ulterior motivation or benefit which may contribute to the continuation of behaviors which aggravate the IBS. Sixth, to examine the role social and familial relationships may be playing in the cycle of IBS, and to make any necessary interventions and changes in such relationship so that they do not \u201cfeed into\u201d the problem. Seventh, to help the patient create and maintain healthy psycho-emotional-physical day-to-day life functioning.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0A few important points regarding the above goals: Many of us have grown up in families or communities where eating was done in an unhealthy way. Post-Holocaust frantic \u2018fressing\u2019\u2026unconscious eating while talking\u2026swallowing without chewing \u2026finishing everything on your plate no matter what\u2026 eating to receive or give love \u2026 anxiety around food\u2026 steady high fat high salt chulent, \u2018yeshiva bocher\u2019 stomach, etc.\u00a0 Some use IBS symptoms to manipulate their environment, gain attention, have an excuse for not taking care of responsibilities, or being on time. Most of us have to recondition ourselves to be able to do \u2018mindful eating\u2019, and have a conscious and positive relationship with our bodies, as the Rambam prescribes. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Hypnosis is particularly helpful for retraining the muscles to perform properly. It can be used to identify stressors and triggers, change negative reactions into positive ones, identify and heal past traumas, and identify unconscious destructive motivations and create positive mind-body sets. Self-hypnosis is an effective tool for IBS patients to improve their eating habits, relationship to food, reduce stress, actually improve their digestive tract\u2019s functionality, and eliminate destructive thought patterns. Although some choose physical pain over emotional awareness of painful aspects of their lives, those who are brave and hopeful, with the proper guidance, can lessen the physical pain and improve their lives.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0As we say in Birkat Hamazon, \u201cand you shall eat, and be satisfied, and bless\u2026\u201d, I believe that this bracha is not just about having the food, but it is about being able to eat in a way that we can truly feel satisfied, then we can eat healthfully and have much to thank Hashem for. Our bodies are considered a kli of our neshama. As we continue to remember our celebrations of Chanuka, may we rededicate our bodies to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Betayavon!<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Dr. Simcha Sheldon is a U.S. Licensed & Israeli Certified Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist, an Israeli licensed Clinical Psychologist, Medical Psychologist, and Hypnotherapist, and Clinical Member of the Israeli Society for Sexual Medicine, Israel Medical Association. Dr. Sheldon practices in Hashmonaim.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/h5>\n

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\u00a0Personal & Spiritual Development \u2026<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0Spiritual Growth, Authenticity & Psychological Counseling \u2013 Preparing for the New Year
\n<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

Living the Torah life is a process of becoming whole, healthy, G-dly, peaceful, and joyous. Particularly during this time of year, we evaluate our past and look towards our future. We confess our transgressions in our relationships with Hashem, our fellows, and ourselves. We ask for forgiveness. We work towards our betterment and towards being authentic.
\nYes, we will take our prayers seriously, but what additional pro-active behaviors (hishtadlut) can we engage in to fulfill our deep desires to become who we really would like to be? Many of us may feel spiritual, emotional, and psychological pain and remorse, as we think about our shortcomings. We may have glimpses of how we could be to experience inner peace, have better relationships with our spouse, children, families, and friends; overcome our fears, impatience, anger, anxiety or depression; or to simply know what it is to really experience living and celebrating life – rather than just going through the motions and feeling somewhat empty.
\nBeing authentic is a challenging task. It requires self-awareness, honesty, discipline, willingness to change, and lots of effort. Although, sometimes we feel or know that there is something bothering us deep inside, we may be afraid to really let ourselves relate to it, out of fear that we either will not be able to solve the problem, handle the pain, or make the necessary changes. Perhaps we were taught not to \u2019rock the boat\u2019 or we feel obligated to live up to others\u2019 expectations.
\nMany individuals are willing to do the work of self-improvement but they believe that if they improve in keeping Torah u\u2019mitzvot, this, in itself, would be sufficient to resolve their personal difficulties. This belief is often incorrect. Chazal teach that when one is depressed it is difficult to do teshuva and tikun.
\nMany difficulties we experience are caused by inner dynamics, feelings, and beliefs that we may not understand or which may not even be accessible to our conscious minds. Sometimes we are stuck in bad habits, other times we lack information or positive models of positive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and sometimes we need to just learn how to communicate more effectively to avoid hurting others inadvertently.
\nThe process in preparing for the psycho-emotional-spiritual journey through Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Sukkot involves becoming more open, self-aware, clear, knowing, self-evaluating, improving relationships, and creating a picture of present and future growth. Many people work on this kind of improvement with friends, relatives, rabbis and within themselves. Counseling with a well-trained, experienced (and licensed) therapist who integrates spiritual and psycho-emotional growth can help a person to transform and grow even more deeply and effectively.
\nThere are many ways that good psychological counseling can help in one\u2019s spiritual, psychological, emotional, and physical well-being. Counseling provides a safe and confidential place and time in which to be more open and honest with ourselves. It is an opportunity for self-discovery, to share one\u2019s deepest thoughts and feelings, to alleviate one\u2019s pain from the past, and discuss positive dreams and goals for the future – without embarrassment, without negative judgments, and with caring support, practical insight and guidance.
\nCounseling can help to increase our awareness and understanding of our innermost feelings and beliefs; provide new tools and healthier approaches towards life; teach us techniques to overcome our fears, help us to communicate more effectively, manage stress, overcome obstacles, increase intimacy, create positive visions and goals, deepen our connection to life, make our tikunim, and enjoy life.
\nLearning to use meditation and self-hypnosis with a qualified licensed therapist can be particularly helpful in increasing self-awareness, overcoming difficulties, facilitating meaningful prayer, and providing chizuk for making positive changes.
\nElul is a time for becoming close in a loving way, as the letters of the month abbreviate Ani l\u2019dodi v\u2019dodi li I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me. It is a time during which we increase unity as we prepare for the Day of Atonement literally the day of \u201cat-one-ment. \u201c Being shalem (whole) with oneself facilitates our being B\u2019shalom (in peace) with oneself.
\nMay we all be blessed to love and to be at one with ourselves, our loved ones, Klal Yisrael and Hashem in a way that brings us inner peace, peace in our homes, peace in Israel, and peace in the world.
\nShana Tova U\u2019mituka, Ub\u2019Shalom <\/span><\/span><\/h5>\n

\n\u00a9 2006 All rights reserved. <\/span><\/h5>\n

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\u00a0Celebrating the Real Self Behind the Mask & Spiritual Psychotherapy <\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Purim is a holiday in which we celebrate the hidden and the revealed. Esther, the name of the heroine of the Megilla, is related to the word Hester<\/i> \u2013 hidden. The Hebrew word for world \u2013 Olam <\/i>– is related to the word Ne\u2019elam<\/i> \u2013 hidden. The world is full of illusion and it is our task to reveal the truth.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The world is full of masks and every mask comes with opportunities for revelation. As Hassidut explains a mask is the klipah<\/i> which conceals the goodness inside. In contrast to Purim, when we are conscious of our masks, the rest of the year, we subconsciously walk around with different kinds of masks. We wear them to hide who we really are deep inside, sometimes from ourselves and sometimes from others. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0We also create masks that we project onto the faces of others, based on our own prejudices, illusions, or slander that we have accepted, rather than be willing to see their true positive selves. Sometimes it is difficult for us to acknowledge any of the positive truth about another in whom we are invested with negative thoughts or beliefs, as it would require for us to admit our mistake, apologize, or open our hearts and forgive. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The world of Truth (Emet<\/i>), balanced with loving-kindness (chesed<\/i>) is the recipe for a healthy life. The masks that we wear often conceal or obscure our inner goodness, and keep us from relating – with ourselves, our families, our friends, with life, with Truth. When we cut ourselves off from Truth and loving-kindness, we can (G-d forbid) end up with pain, dysfunction, rage, depression, anxiety, despair, and many other physical and psycho-emotional maladies.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0People have many reasons for wearing masks. Some are afraid that they will be disliked, made fun of, judged, of rejected if others knew who they really are. Others find it difficult to allow themselves to be who they really are because they were continually criticized when they were children or from other past traumas. Some were taught that projecting a particular persona is the \u2018right thing to do\u2019, or that one \u2018should not\u2019 let anyone know how one really feels. Unfortunately, too many people actually dislike or even hate themselves, and most of us are somewhat ashamed of our mistakes.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Masks cause us to feel lonely, alone, and alienated; and sometimes cause us to see ourselves as fakes and impostors. They encourage us to be distrustful and distant. They impede us from experiencing true friendship, love, and intimacy. They keep us from facing ourselves and each other with respect, dignity, and appreciation, and can even lead us into experiencing life as surrealistic. Even worse, some of us become so accustomed to the masks that we stop realizing that they are masks. A person cannot really be and feel shalem<\/i> (complete), or b\u2019shalom<\/i> (in inner peace), or b\u2019achdut<\/i> \u2013 (unified) with him\/herself or with others, if s\/he is wearing masks. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Many individuals (sometimes couples and families, as well) walk through life disconnected from their true selves and therefore have difficulty feeling emotion and relating properly. They feel like something essential is missing. They may seek stimulation in inappropriate ways in order to feel alive, including overeating, smoking, or over-working. Others try to avoid the pain of depression through addictions, such as drugs, alcohol, food and even internet surfing. Some masks come with the high price of psychosomatic and psychogenic medical problems, when the body or mind becomes wounded from the conflict between the deep desire to and intimidating fear of being real.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0A word about the internet: The internet is world where so much is revealed and yet so much is masked. Thousands hang out for hours in the chat room world of masks, looking for unreal, unhealthy intrigue or ethereal, fleeting cyber-companionship. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Some masks are \u201csmall\u201d and just hide, perhaps, a not very significant aspect of ourselves. However, sometimes masks are quite \u201clarge\u201d and hide very significant, sometimes quite unhealthy parts of who we are. Examples include, a person who seems to be quite religious and observant, who in private has many basic spiritual doubts or does not believe at all; a person who projects an image of being happily married and yet is experiencing a marital crisis. Some very good, loving, spiritual individuals, suffer from and are agonized by SSA (same sex attraction), or homosexuality even though they are faithful to their spouses and do not act out.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Living with a mask can feel like living in hell. The healthy removal of the mask and learning how to be authentic in a healthy way, can give a person a renewal of life \u2013 for it can feel like being re-born into a healthy self.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Usually, medical and psychological help is sought in times of crisis \u2013 with a certain element of coercion. Less often do people seek preventive help or assistance. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0There are simple and enjoyable self-help steps that you can do \u2013 by yourself or together with someone you trust – to help remove the masks: Think introspectively about which things you are afraid to let others know about yourself. Ask yourself if you wearing any masks regarding these issues. If you are, imagine yourself without the masks and notice how you would actually feel, and how others would respond if you were more honest. Play out scenarios of social interactions if your true self were revealed, considering both the short term reactions which will inevitably be one of surprise to long term implications, which ideally could be one of self-acceptance, and acceptance by the other. Ask yourself if you have a need to please others at the price of not being your true self, and if so, see if you can you eliminate that need. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0You can also ask yourself if you have any deep existential questions or personal development and identity issues that need clarification, in order to know more who you really are. Ask yourself if your motivation for wearing the masks is low self-esteem or the need of approval from others or if you are manipulating others for personal gain. Ask yourself what you need to acquire or change in order to be more real, and proceed obtaining and making the necessary changes. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Many individuals can make quite a bit of progress working independently. Others who suffer from particularly difficult childhood (and other) experiences can benefit from professional healing and guidance.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Therapy can help transform a life of masks into a life of truth, wholeness, and shalom in many ways. It helps a person to recognize, identify, understand and heal the traumatic or just emotionally painful events from the past (sometimes still occurring in the present) that causes us to put on the masks of protection in the first place. Therapy helps us to understand and to utilize healthy ways of protecting ourselves. A good therapist can provide a safe and healing relationship and environment in which the patient can experiment and see what it is like to take the masks off, without the fear of rejection, anger, unwanted expectations or obligations. Therapy can help us to increase self-confidence so we feel more comfortable showing and being who we really are. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0It is interesting to note that for many, masks are actually a \u2018negative hypnotic state\u2019, acquired from a traumatic experience. Hypnotherapy can be very effective in freeing a person from these negative unwanted dynamics. Self-hypnosis can also help a person\u00a0 in making the transition from the mask to the real.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0No one is perfect; most of us have a lot of healing and growing to do. Self acceptance is the necessary starting point for taking off our masks. It is healing to deeply know and understand that Hashem created us uniquely so we can be accepting of ourselves and of others. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0As we celebrate Purim and see everyone\u2019s masks, may we be motivated to respectfully share our true Tzelem Elokim (G-dly image) with ourselves and each other. Purim Samayach!<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Dr. Simcha Sheldon<\/span><\/i><\/b> is an Israeli licensed Clinical Psychologist, Medical Psychologist, and Hypnotherapist: a U.S. Licensed & Israeli Certified Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist,\u00a0 and a\u00a0 Clinical Member of the Israeli Society for Sexual Medicine, Israel Medical Association. Dr. Sheldon practices in Hashmonaim. <\/b><\/span><\/i><\/h5>\n

——————————————<\/span><\/p>\n

Increasing Shalom Bayit & Personal Happiness Utilizing Marriage Counseling<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Effective marriage counseling can help a couple or individual spouse to relate with more awareness, clarity, accuracy, understanding, compassion, responsibility, partnership, respect, friendship, love, trust, romance, patience, kindness, forgiveness, joy, pleasure, security, hopefulness, satisfaction, peacefulness, optimism, excitement, energy, calm, interest, health, growth, vision, and spirituality. It can be helpful in a variety of situations including: enhancing and strengthening a basically healthy marriage, resolving a particular problem, acquiring a skill, dealing with a crisis, or avoiding divorce. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0A skilled marriage counselor can help individuals and couples during the different stages of marriage, by providing support, advice, understanding, appropriate expectations, and problem solving. Counseling is also helpful in the preparation for marriage (to prevent problems).<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Marriage is a wonderful opportunity for personal growth – psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Many couples enjoy mutual love and respect, patience and understanding, and have the ability, willingness, and even desire to compromise and change, in order to be a better individual, and a better spouse. Yes, many couples have strong, healthy, and rewarding marriages – with happiness, fulfillment, and even fun.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Unfortunately, this is not the norm. A U.S. study found that approximately 50% of couples get divorced, 45% settle for being unhappy, with the remaining 5% taking action to improve their marriage. If you truly know your married friends well, you probably are aware that most couples experience challenges and difficulties in their marriages. Sometimes even those who appear to be \u201cthe perfect couple\u201d may even be on the brink of divorce. You would never know, because most people do not want anyone to know about their personal difficulties, they rather maintain \u201cthe positive image.\u201d <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Why is this so? Many couples lack a basic understanding of, and adequate preparation for this very complex, important, major life change. Often one or both spouses enter their marriage with \u201cunhealthy baggage\u201d which interferes with their ability to cope, adapt, and grow while learning to share their life, logistically and intimately, with another human being who, by definition, is quite different. The consequences can be quite difficult and painful. The situation can continue and deteriorate for years until the couple realizes the depth of the problem or until a marital crisis develops.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0In some circles, there is often a lack of emotional preparation for marriage. Often, immature youngsters (and even older adults) enter marriage with very little self-awareness, self-definition, and understanding or experience regarding emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy. Many newlyweds go directly from being dependent upon their parents to being married, without ever having experienced adult responsibility and individuation. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Often a couple (or individual) seeks marriage counseling when one of the spouses is in great pain because the other has difficulty being connected to his\/her feelings, does not know how to express them, or cannot connect deeply enough with his\/her spouse\u2019s feelings and emotional needs. Women often feel that their husbands are \u201csimply \u2019not there\u2019 emotionally,\u201d (sometimes he is not present physically, as well). Husbands often feel misunderstood by their wives. Poor awareness and communication skills can be a marriage breaker.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Sometimes common, perhaps expected, marital issues, which could have been dealt with positively and successfully, turn into \u201cirreconcilable differences,\u201d when too much pain is \u201cswept under the carpet\u201d and not dealt with. Serious problems can be prevented by resolving such issues as poor communication, conflicts relating to extended family, in-laws, and friends, differences in role definitions and expectations of self, husband\/father and wife\/mother, hurt feelings, incompatible values, and boredom.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Spouses need to know how to resolve conflicts and difficulties that arise from basic differences in styles of communication, personal needs, personal and marital goals and dreams, cultural backgrounds, expressing and receiving love, assertiveness, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality (including, beliefs, values, expectations, practices), social needs, artistic-esthetic-musical-fun tastes, need for space-closeness-privacy-sharing, and in relating to finances.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Raising children can be a source of marital discord and psycho-emotional difficulties for the children. In order to have a peaceful marriage and home and a healthy environment for the children, it is essential for parents to know how to properly deal with their differences regarding parenting including\u00a0 differences in beliefs, values, and styles, regarding how to influence, motivate, communicate with, inspire, reward, punish, and guide their children, as well as what to permit, forbid, and expect from them.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Severe marital dysfunction can be caused by financial crisis, deep seated psychological or emotional problems, depression, phobias, severe health problems, traumatic experiences, inappropriate anger, sexual dysfunction, addiction, gambling, lack of responsibility, violence, lack of trust, \u201cemotional affairs\u201d with another, and abuse (emotional-psychological-physical-sexual).<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Good marriage counseling can help resolve most of the above issues. It can provide a basic understanding of the dynamics of marriage (although they may vary greatly from couple to couple). Spouses can learn how to heal the wounds and pain of negative marital experiences; acquire the necessary skills to be a good spouse; get rid of the \u201cunhealthy baggage\u201d; learn about intimacy; break destructive habits and acquire positive ones.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0A skilled marriage counselor can provide the opportunity for wives, husbands, and couples to speak openly and honestly in a safe and comfortable environment; prevent hurtful or abusive actions and reactions; model positive modes of communication; build good will, trust, and hope between the couple; help husbands and wives to deeply and clearly understand each other; help the couple to understand the dynamics of the marriage; provide each spouse with the opportunity for private and confidential consultation, in which each is free and safe to express what would be difficult or destructive to express in a co-joint session; give each spouse and the couple the emotional support necessary; and most importantly, provide practical and effective guidance as to what can be done at home in order to improve the marriage. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0It is important that the marriage counselor understands the individual\u2019s and the couple\u2019s psycho-dynamics, identifies the actual problems (oftentimes therapists work on the wrong issues), builds positive experiences; and avoids allowing the counseling experience to highlight or reinforce negative thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. Simply, bad counseling can cause damage, but good counseling can bring about wonderful changes for each spouse and for the marriage and family.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0In our culture, both spouses usually have many responsibilities, pressures, and lack the time needed to nurture one\u2019s marriage, as well as their relationships with children, other family members, and friends. Most families have very little quality time to simply relate on any kind of deep, meaningful, emotional level. The consequences are well known. Family relationships must be given priority in order to be healthy and rewarding.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Marriage counseling can increase intimacy as each spouse acquires a deep level of awareness and understanding for the self and the other; learns how to communicate more effectively, and resolve conflicts; identifies the real problems that need solutions; learns how to deal with emotions healthfully; receives guidance regarding parenting; learns how to relate more effectively with daily issues, such as finances, responsibilities, time management; and gains insights about creating a beautiful, holy, fulfilling relationship.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Some marriage counselors also have the training and the ability to help a spouse deal with and resolve deep personal psycho-emotional issues that are interfering with the marriage. Work with someone who is both an experienced marriage, family, and child counselor, and a clinical psychologist, who can help the couple, as well as the individual spouses in an integrative way that supports the marriage and the individuals. Be careful not to receive treatment from a variety of sources, for they may not be working in harmony towards the same goals. Please note that in Israel there is no license to do marriage counseling (there is a private agudah). Work with someone who is properly trained and experienced.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0One might say, the fact that man had to be commanded: \u201ca man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh\u201d\u00a0 indicates that marriage is not something that comes \u201cnaturally\u201d to a man, and therefore, it is understandable that he may need even more preparation than his wife (although this is not always the case). <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Creating and maintaining a good marriage is as much an art as a science; a good guide is certainly helpful. Early detection of problems and proper intervention are important. The right marriage counselor can help a couple in the fulfillment of the marital prayer \u2013 may Hashem bless the beloved friends (of marriage) with the joy that Hashem gave His creations in Gan Eden.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Dr. Simcha Sheldon is a U.S. Licensed & Israeli Certified Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist, an Israeli licensed Clinical Psychologist, Medical Psychologist, and Hypnotherapist, and Clinical Member of the Israeli Society for Sexual Medicine, Israel Medical Association. Dr. Sheldon practices in Hashmonaim.\u00a0 www.drsimcha.com \u00a9 2006 All rights reserved.<\/span><\/i><\/h5>\n

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\u00a0Enhancing Your Family\u2019s Emotional Health – Lessons from the Seder <\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2007 <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a9 2007 All rights reserved.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0The Pesach Seder is a special opportunity to experientially and didactically learn about freedom, responsibility, and maturity \u2013 as an individual, as a family, and as a nation. The Seder is also often a challenging time for families, especially when the extended family gets together and must interact with each other for hours (at times on an empty stomach following a cup a wine). There emerges a patchwork of different customs, values, desires, and personal pictures and beliefs of how the Seder should be run, along with all the overt, covert, conscious, and unconscious family dynamics \u2013 positive and negative. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Family feelings and dynamics are complex and powerful. They can facilitate a wide range of consequences, from deep loving, mutually supportive bonding to hurt feelings, anger, and distance.\u00a0 <\/span>Family relationship issues include, acceptance, adequacy, approval, appreciation, interest, love, feeling cared about, loyalty, competence, understanding, security, as well as insecurity, resentment, hurt feelings, disappointment, anxiety, anger, competition, favoritism, and of course, power and control. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0At the Seder, the four sons (personality types) sit around the table and not only have to get along, but hopefully will create and enjoy a positive loving and spiritual holiday experience. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0 I believe that we can find expressions of each personality in all of us. Depending on the context, content, associations, others involved, time in our life, and a variety of other variables and considerations, we can be wise, wicked, simple, or not knowing how to ask. There are many interpretations of the four sons, and we can learn many lessons about healthy family functioning from them.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The wise child has confidence to be an initiator, yet he does not initiate with showing that he knows everything. S\/he asks a question motivated by the desire to learn and grow, and do Hashem\u2019s will. S\/he has a healthy balance of self-esteem and initiation, with humility and subservience. S\/he is not an elitist filled with ego, s\/he is willing to sit right next to the \u2018wicked\u2019 child, so that he can be a positive influence upon him. (Rav Shneerson, zt\u2019l,\u00a0 <\/span>the past Lubavitcher Rebbe, taught that we can learn from the fact that the \u2018wicked\u2019 child sits next to the \u2018wise\u2019 child, that the \u2018wicked\u2019 can easily become wise with the proper guidance and relationship.)<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The \u2018wise personality\u2019 offers a healthy model of family functioning. Problems can occur when the \u2018wise one\u2019 is actually not so wise, nor pure in motive, nor emotionally healthy. Such a personality may have a need, do to insecurity or lack of self-esteem, to proclaim himself as the \u2018wise one,\u2019 or may need to control, negatively judge, show off to, or distance from others, who he deems \u2018less wise than he.\u2019 <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The Haggadah starts with \u201cwe were slaves in Egypt.\u201d This is certainly a valid reason for us to deal with self-esteem issues. One of the messages of Pesach is that we are not to be slaves \u2013 to idols, or kings, or people, or possessions, but rather we are to serve G-d with self-esteem, dignity, joy, and humility (not humiliation). When we can feel and think positively about ourselves, we are more free to become the \u2018wise\u2019 personality, and relate with those around us with respect and care. It is important for us to not only encourage ourselves to see ourselves positively, but to encourage and support those around us to feel and think positively about themselves. There is no need for competition and doing this fulfills many Mitzvot. A child who is rejected from a school because he has learning difficulties should not be made to feel that he is not or cannot be the \u2018wise\u2019 one, for as we read in the Haggadah, the wise one does not know, he asks because he wants to know.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0 The \u2018wicked personality\u2019 \u2013 what is his problem? Why is he sitting next to the \u2018wise personality\u2019 ? Perhaps he feels alienated, rejected, hurt, or misunderstood \u2013 but he still comes to the Seder, and he even sits next to the \u2018wise.\u2019 Problems occur when the rasha and the others are not willing to relate together positively. In families, sometimes it is the rasha who is too angry or indifferent to be willing to come, other times it is the others who are being to harsh and rejecting.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0 Belzer Rebbe brings us a beautiful and important teaching: The Hebrew word for wicked \u2013 rasha<\/i> – is comprised of three letters . The outer letters reish<\/i> and ayin<\/i> make the word rah<\/i> \u2013 evil, but the inner letter shin<\/i> is comprised of three lines which represent Avraham , Yitzchak, and Yaakov. When we \u2018blunt the rasha<\/i>\u2019s teeth, we are separating the shin<\/i> from the ra, <\/i>and helping the \u2018wicked personality\u2019 to realize that he and his Neshamah<\/i> are historically, spiritually, and emotionally connected to the Jewish people, and that he is holy.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Most of the violence, abuse, and \u2018evil\u2019 behaviors, words, and thoughts that are perpetrated against family members and others, is so often generated by the pain and anguish of broken hearts. The Seder teaches us that broken hearts and broken spirits can be healed. Coming together to acknowledge who we are, from our very beginnings \u2013 historically and psycho-emotionally \u2013 for the purpose of celebrating, with mutual respect, what connects us to each other, is a good beginning for healing our broken hearts. What is essential is that the Rasha and the others are motivated to interact together positively.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The \u2018simple\u2019 personality is usually easy to get along with. However, some people think, of themselves and others, that being simple is not such a good thing. Often in families, the simple one undeservedly gets less attention. A lot of credit and value can be given to what or who is simple, as tam<\/i> means not only simple, but can also be translated as perfect. Simple can be just meditating and feeling G-d\u2019s presence and connecting with the truth in the deepest way. Sometimes we are not interested in simple people, we may think that simple means a lack of substance or importance. However, simple people can be very deep and have a lot to teach us.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The \u2018one who does not know how to ask\u2019 is often in a difficult situation. Even at the Seder, s\/he is the last personality to be addressed. The Seder teaches us to care about such a person, and to initiate the conversation, to motivate him to want to know, and to provide for him the information he needs. This personality can have many disadvantages in a family. He often not only does not know how to ask, he does not even know what to ask for, as he is so disconnected from himself. He often has low self esteem, and a lack of assertiveness. He lacks basic life skills, knowledge, and understanding. He may be afraid to ask, because his questions are made fun of or ignored. Perhaps he is punished for asking, because his parent thinks he should already know the answer. He is timed and often gets used or abused by siblings and friends. He needs attention, connection, and help in opening up his inner doors to himself and the world around him. Pitach lo<\/span>, <\/i>open for him, but in a way that will help him to eventually feel secure enough to open his own doors.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Of course, there is the fifth personality. S\/he is not even at the Seder, maybe is not Jewish anymore, maybe gave up all hope in life, or maybe just did not get an invitation. May we all be proactive in ensuring that each person in klal yisrael<\/i> be at the Seder with us.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0 Individual, marital, and family counseling can help in creating a positive, well-functioning, healthy family. Counseling helps increase self-esteem, improve communication, and enhance interpersonal understanding and appreciation. Family counseling can heal wounds between spouses, siblings, parents and children, and others \u2013 even if they have not been willing to speak with each other for years.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0May we all be set free from our internal bondage, so that we may ask appropriate questions, and give and receive healing answers.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Chag Pesach Kasher v\u2019Samayach ! <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Dr. Simcha Sheldon<\/span><\/b> is a U.S. Licensed & Israeli Certified Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist, an Israeli licensed Clinical Psychologist, Medical Psychologist, and Hypnotherapist; and Clinical Member of the Israeli Society for Sexual Medicine, Israel Medical Association. Dr. Sheldon practices in Hashmonaim, Israel.\u00a0<\/b> <\/b><\/span><\/h5>\n

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\u00a0Pregnancy, Childbirth & Infertility<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

Hypnosis & Self Hypnosis Can Help Toward a Healthy & Enjoyable Pregnancy & Childbirth<\/span> <\/span><\/b><\/h4>\n

\u00a0By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 All rights reserved 2006<\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0For centuries women were brought up to believe that childbirth has to be a very painful experience and therefore, were afraid during childbirth, thereby creating a lot of real pain. During the 1950\u2019s, children in the Western world were born in hospitals while their mothers were often unconscious, under anesthesia. Then epidurals became the fashion, however they have an element of danger.<\/span><\/h5>\n
There is a very good alternative that can facilitate a childbirth experience, in which the mother is happy, conscious, relatively comfortable, and can actively participate in the process without the mother or the baby being exposed to potentially great risks and side effects of invasive procedures and medications used in the management of pain. Hypnosis and self-hypnosis can be utilized throughout the childbirth process – starting with the earliest preparation for pregnancy, and continuing through pregnancy, labor and delivery, and even post-partum – to facilitate a very positive childbirth experience.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Applications include being emotionally and psychologically ready for the experience, including getting rid of any \u2019negative baggage\u2019 that one may be carrying around regarding pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting; feeling physically and emotionally comfortable during pregnancy; having a good and successful experience during labor and delivery; and enjoying being a parent to your new child when you are home. Of course, hypnosis should be used within the context of professional, licensed, and competent psychological counseling. (I do not recommend just going out and buying a self-help book or tape on hypnosis!)<\/span>
\n During pregnancy.<\/span> Up to eighty percent of women experience morning sickness during pregnancy. Self-hypnosis is a wonderful way to feel better, and can be used for a variety of goals including, increasing energy, improving sleep, and enjoying deep relaxation. Some women have more serious challenges during pregnancy, such as hyperemesis gravidarum (HG – severe morning sickness) and premature labor – both can be debilitating. Hypnosis can be the treatment of choice for both.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Childbirth preparation.<\/span> Hypnosis helps women (and their husbands) have a more enjoyable, comfortable, healthy, and meaningful pregnancy and birth experience. First, and most importantly, hypnosis can reduce, and often eliminate the need of pain medications, which often have dangerous side effects for the mother and baby. Pain during labor and delivery is mostly caused by fear and the subsequent contracting of muscles that should be relaxed, causing conflict and interference with the natural powerful contractions of the uterine muscle. Hypnosis allows the mother to be unafraid, relaxed, and more comfortable. Hypnosis can also reduce or eliminate the perception of any existing pain.<\/span>
\n Effective preparation helps both parents to look forward to the birth experience calmly, with confidence, and positive thoughts and feelings. A husband can learn to be his wife\u2019s self-hypnosis-coach as an adjunct to the techniques that may have been learned in their Lamaze classes.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Treating Complications of Pregnancy.<\/span> Hypnosis can help women who are suffering from complications of pregnancy such as premature labor, morning sickness, delayed labor, prolonged labor, and repeated fetal loss. Hypnosis can often be the treatment of choice as it is not invasive, has no negative side effects, and is more satisfying to the mother. The most common treatment for premature labor is the use of medications, which have the side effect of tachycardia (increased heartbeat) in the fetus, which can be dangerous. Unfortunately, there are not enough health professionals trained in the proper use of medical hypnosis, even though research by agencies such as the NIH (National Institute of Health – US) has concluded that hypnosis is a very effective treatment for the above conditions.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Complications of pregnancy<\/span> can be due to either physiological causes or certain psychological or emotional concerns of difficulties the mother (or father) are experiencing. Hypnotherapy can be very helpful in discovering and resolving such issues. For example, a mother\u2019s ambivalence about her pregnancy or marriage can be the psychogenic cause of pre-mature labor or delayed labor. Even a scary recurrent dream during sleep can trigger contractions. Hypnotherapy can be an effective tool, as an adjunct to counseling, during pregnancy, to help parents deal with the various psychological or emotional issues that may arise.<\/span>
\n Lifelong tools.<\/span> Couples who learn how to use self-hypnosis for childbirth continue enjoying the benefits of self-mastery long after the baby arrives. Years later, they are using self-hypnosis to stay calm when their children become teen-agers.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Birth is meant to be a spiritually and emotionally uplifting experience, filled with wonder and joy. Hypnosis can help make childbirth a wonderful experience for you. If you have any questions, please feel welcome to call me\u2026 B\u2019Sha\u2019a Tovah!<\/span>
\n [The next article will discuss what hypnosis is and how it works.]<\/span><\/h5>\n
Dr. Simcha Sheldon is an Israeli licensed Clinical Psychologist, Medical Psychologist, and Hypnotherapist, a U.S. licensed Marriage, Family, and Child <\/span>Therapist, and Clinical Member of the Israeli Society for Sexual Medicine, Israel<\/span> Medical Association. Dr. Sheldon practices in Hashmonaim.<\/span><\/i><\/h5>\n

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\u00a0 Behavioral, Psychological, and Hypnotherapeutic Treatment for Psychogenic Infertility<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0By Dr. Simcha Edward Sheldon . <\/span>\u00a9 <\/span>All rights reserved 2006 <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 Psychogenic infertility is a condition in which psychological factors interfere with the body\u2019s ability to make pregnancy possible. Although it accounts for about 5% of all infertility cases, for those in this group, there are effective psychological strategies that can help. Many people know of couples who after years of unsuccessful medical intervention, decide to adopt, and afterwards have a surprise – natural birth.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0It is truly amazing how our minds can affect our bodies. Effective caring psycho-emotional guidance, support, and\/or behavioral therapy can be very helpful both for getting pregnant and for dealing with related problems, such as marital strife, low self-esteem, deep frustration, anxiety, depression, difficulty relating to others (parents, children, friends), sexual dysfunction, etc. Couples need to prevent the difficulties of trying to get pregnant from hurting either of the two individuals who joined together in love and marriage.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The good news is that one can learn to positively influence one\u2019s thoughts, emotions and physiology by approaching this life challenge in a healthy, helpful, productive, positive, and realistic manner.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0The Mind-Body Connection<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0High levels of stress or depression can have harmful effects on the reproductive systems. Conscious and unconscious conflicts, fears, and guilt can also affect physiological processes. It is often difficult to know which came first – infertility, stress, or psychological difficulties – however, one does affect the other, in a negative vicious circle, which can be corrected.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Stress can cause infertility. The hypothalamus regulates stress responses and sex hormones. Excessive stress can suppress the menstrual cycle (e.g. \u201cmarathon runner\u2019s amenorrhea\u201d); cause an ovulation or irregular menstrual cycles; and alter uterine blood flow. Excessive stress can reduce sperm count, suppress libido, cause erectile dysfunction, and result in a reduction in the frequency of intimate relations. <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Psychological difficulties can also contribute to infertility, such as fears (e.g. that the child\u2019s arrival could create marital conflict; or fear of the process of pregnancy, labor and childbirth itself); guilt (e.g. negative sexual experiences such as incest, abuse); and strong conflicts with one\u2019s mother. Also, many women start overeating in response to the stress of infertility, thereby increasing fat cells, which can disrupt the hormonal balance.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Suggestions: There are easy and enjoyable ways of reducing stress and anxiety – hypnosis, self-hypnosis, biofeedback, visualization, meditation, etc. If one is suffering from psycho-emotional or relationship difficulties, a specialist who is effective and caring can help. One can either resolve or eliminate difficulties or one can learn to relate to them in a way that is helpful and healthy.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0For example, one of my patients realized, through hypnosis, that she unconsciously did something that interfered with her body\u2019s ability to ovulate. Yes, she did get pregnant and had a successful childbirth experience, Baruch Hashem! <\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Hopefully, with Hashem\u2019s blessings, and with doing all that is reasonable, a couple can enjoy bringing additional children into the world and into their family.<\/span><\/h5>\n
\u00a0Dr. Simcha Sheldon is an Israeli-licensed Clinical Psychologist, Medical Psychologist, and Hypnotherapist, and is a U.S. licensed Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist, in practice for 25 years. He practices in Hashmonaim.<\/span><\/i><\/h5>\n

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\u00a0Readers are invited to send questions or topics of interest. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

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